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Pam Gaslow
Pam Gaslow

1.8K Followers

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Published in Slackjaw

·Pinned

I’m 50 And It’s Not Funny

I recently turned 50. I didn’t want to turn 50. I tried hard not to. It happened anyway. 50 is both a milestone and a mindfuck, and not to brag, but I made it in one piece. I also made it without any unwanted pregnancies and no arrests. I didn’t…

Humor

4 min read

I’m 50 And It’s Not Funny
I’m 50 And It’s Not Funny
Humor

4 min read


Published in The Haven

·Oct 3, 2022

Top Twenty-Five Stories I Haven’t Written

Narrowed down from 100 Friends With No Benefits I’m Done Googling How to Squirt You Lost Me at “Hey” The Aggressive Woman’s Guide to Crushing on Psychotic Israeli Men If You’re Looking for Me I’m Dead Now and Other Good Signs to Put in an Empty Fish Bowl Does He…

Humor

2 min read

Top Twenty-Five Stories I Haven’t Written
Top Twenty-Five Stories I Haven’t Written
Humor

2 min read


Published in Be Yourself

·Dec 10, 2021

Don’t Bring Your Vibrator to Rehab

A Somewhat Comedic Memoir I moved to Miami Beach in 2015. I hadn’t had a drink in almost twenty years, and it had been eight years since I smoked pot. I moved to Miami not knowing anyone and not having a job. …

Addiction

3 min read

Don’t Bring Your Vibrator to Rehab
Don’t Bring Your Vibrator to Rehab
Addiction

3 min read


Published in Be Yourself

·Jul 19, 2021

Alexa Isn’t Funny

And other reasons I don’t like her — Alexa and I have nothing in common. She’s long-winded, too proper, and too politically correct. She’s like the school teacher I could never relate to and the therapist I never wanted. I can’t believe we share a bedroom. Alexa isn’t so great. She’s a compact plastic encyclopedia who tells time…

Alexa

3 min read

Alexa Isn’t Funny
Alexa Isn’t Funny
Alexa

3 min read


Published in The Haven

·Jun 7, 2021

I Went to Mexico City and Didn’t Get Kidnapped

But there’s always next time — “Mexico City?” my best friend asked when I told her my weekend plans. “Why?” I can’t count how many people have told me not to go everywhere I’ve been. India — WHY? Morocco — WHAT FOR? San Jose, Johannesburg, Rio . . . What’s wrong with you?? …

Humor

4 min read

I Went to Mexico City and Didn’t Get Kidnapped
I Went to Mexico City and Didn’t Get Kidnapped
Humor

4 min read


May 19, 2021

This is too normal for me!! :)

This is too normal for me!! :)

1 min read

1 min read

This is too normal for me!! :)

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May 17, 2021

How to Put Your Koala Bear Up for Adoption

He snarls at children, influencers, and anyone who starts a chat with “hey” — Back in 2014 a Craigslist ad about someone selling a Koala Bear named Gumnut went viral. A Man Selling His Koala Makes the Best Craigslist Post Ever If you've enjoyed this Craigslist post of a man trying to sell his Koala, you might like our other funny Craigslist…cheezburger.com I responded to that ad. This is what that looked like.

Animals

4 min read

How to Put Your Koala Bear Up for Adoption
How to Put Your Koala Bear Up for Adoption
Animals

4 min read


Published in The Haven

·Apr 21, 2021

A Llama Spit in My Face and It Wasn’t Funny

Good thing my eyes were closed — A year and a half ago I went to Argentina for a good time. While driving through the Andes mountains I met a specific llama who wasn’t very polite. I was following him around his village talking nonsense to him and I guess he wasn’t amused because all of a…

Humor

3 min read

A Llama Spit in My Face and It Wasn’t Funny
A Llama Spit in My Face and It Wasn’t Funny
Humor

3 min read


Published in Slackjaw

·Mar 24, 2021

I’m Learning Hebrew And It’s Not Funny

I’m sure there are at least two or three (hundred thousand) hot Israelis who can’t wait to meet me and my impure motives — Once upon a time I went to Israel and met an insanely hot former IDF sex god. Besides the fact that he was unavailable, lived across the world, and smoked 400 cigarettes a day, he was perfect for me. My obsession quickly went off the psycho meter and now it’s…

Humor

4 min read

I’m Learning Hebrew And It’s Not Funny
I’m Learning Hebrew And It’s Not Funny
Humor

4 min read


Mar 15, 2021

I Live in Florida And It’s Not Funny

Summer is seven months long and snakes come out of the toilet bowl — I moved to Miami Beach from New York in 2015. I moved not knowing anyone and not having a job. No one there seemed to work, or work too hard, so I fit right in. If you’re considering moving to south Florida you should first ask yourself the following questions…

Humor

5 min read

I Live in Florida And It’s Not Funny
I Live in Florida And It’s Not Funny
Humor

5 min read

Pam Gaslow

Pam Gaslow

1.8K Followers

Comedian and top writer in humor. Miami based. IG: @pamgaslow, pam@pamgaslow.com. Subscribe to my mailing list: https://upscri.be/fpacdo

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