I’m 50 And It’s Not Funny

Image: Pam Gaslow (at 47)

I recently turned 50. I didn’t want to turn 50. I tried hard not to. It happened anyway.

50 is both a milestone and a mindfuck, and not to brag, but I made it in one piece. I also made it without any unwanted pregnancies and no arrests. I didn’t marry any idiots, get any embarrassing tattoos when I was drunk, or buy a lion on a whim. By anyone’s standards, I’m a modern-day success story.